Signs

Have you ever had God just hit you over the head with something? When I was home over Christmas, my sisters and I had a conversation that was rather disheartening to me. I won't share the content but I will say that it really saddened me in regards to my adopting the little girl (or someone else) that I mentioned in the last post. On my way back to Springfield on Friday night (I really hate driving in fog and the whole drive was pea soup central), God hit me over the head with: it doesn't matter what others think are you going to follow me? God has clearly shown me that adoption is what He wants me to continue to pursue, so why should what anyone thinks have any bearing on my following God's wishes. How often do I, or anyone else for that matter, look for signs from God that we are to do something or not do something when He has clearly said in His word what we are and are not to do. That is not an original thought but paraphrased from a message by Ken Davis, on a Focus on the Family broadcast, I heard coming home on Friday night. See what I mean about God hitting me over the head. I have been stalling going forward with what needs to be done regarding adoption (becoming a licensed foster parent in Illinois is the first step) and if I truly want to follow God as I claim then I can't stall any more. So, all that to say, please pray for me as I make some phone calls tomorrow morning to find out how to move this process forward. God is far more gracious to me than I can begin to count. Aren't you glad God doesn't kick us out of the fold when we screw up? I know I sure am.

Random Things and Merry Christmas

This school year has been so hectic. I have 11 students from 16 to 20, the 20 year old just transferred to adult placement and 2 weeks later I got an 18 year old to replace him. I am renting a house and will hopefully be moving to a smaller rented house by the first of February.
I continue to be interested in adoption and hope to move forward with that over this break. Two great adoption sites I've found that will really make you think especially about how special needs kids are treated in other countries: reecesrainbow.com and showhope.org. I would adopt several of the kids from the reece's rainbow site in a second if I could but right now that just isn't possible. God has really put on my heart a little girl here in Illinois with some pretty severe disabilities but the moment I saw her I couldn't get her out of my head or my heart. I have been doing a lot of reading of late and adoption both from the spiritual and the practical side seem to be the focus right now. God has been so patient and forgiving to each of us, how can we not share that with children in need. I will be driving down to spend Christmas with my family this afternoon and hopefully to spend some time exploring favorite haunts in St. Louis too while I am there. I wanted to wish everyone a Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year. What a wonderful gift we have been given to celebrate on Christmas.

Painful Teeth, School Online, Summer Vacation, and Elisabeth Elliot

I have discovered teeth in need of a root canal can be devastatingly painful. Nearly a week ago I discovered I need a root canal on an upper molar. The weekend before discovering this was one of the most painful of my life. I didn't know a tooth could hurt so much. I am grateful for the doctor and dentist, that I was able to see, who not only correctly diagnosed the pain but gave me medicine to deal with it. I am doing much better but wish that the root canal could have been scheduled sooner so I could take time to heal before I start school again. The way it is scheduled now, I will be getting the root canal done and going to work on the same day. Isn't summer vacation lovely. I am actually enjoying vacation, knitting, reading and getting to watch baseball. Right now the Cardinals are playing a losing game against the Cubs but it is only the fourth inning or so. Gracey will be pleased if the Cubs win, I, of course, will be sad, but such is baseball, a very fickle game. I have started working on a baby sweater for the first time, it is so tiny, if this works out well it could become as addicting as the blankets have been. I have now found 4 different things (baby blankets, scarves, shawls, baby sweaters) that I can knit without needing to know how to purl. Purling looks so confusing to me, although everyone tells me it really isn't that difficult. On Tuesday, I will have finished my fourth online class of the summer. I do not recommend trying to teach summer school, take 4 online classes and have some sort of a life. Insanity is me. I will say that I have learned a lot and have many new things to share with my colleagues and staff when we start school again on the 20th.
Gracey was kind enough to share a great teaching series by Elisabeth Elliot on how to simplify your life with me. I really enjoyed listening to Mrs. Elliot speak but also I appreciated the reminders of the importance of putting God first in our lives and, particularly for me, remembering that it is not about us and our wants or wishes, it is about God and what He wants for and expects of us. I have greatly appreciated Mrs. Elliot's thoughts, insights and writings, throughout my Christian walk. When she goes on to Heaven, the world will have lost a wonderful voice for trusting in the Lord and doing what we are called to do even if and perhaps especially if we have no idea why or where the Lord is taking us this way. Mrs. Elliot's writings and Gracey's friendship two more gifts of God's grace to me.

An Apology

I am sorry that I have not written for the past month and a half. Things have been crazy here and I have been so focused on summer school and 4 online classes that I am taking that I have done a lousy job of keeping up with this blog. By the way, I have discovered that you should never try to do 4 online classes at one time and teach summer school at the same time. I haven't gotten to bed before midnight in the last week or more. I am feeling overwhelmed and frustrated with myself for not being able to keep up with everything in the way that I would like. God has been very gracious to me despite my overwhelmed state and panicky nature. He reminds me daily of the importance of what I do and that there is more to my life than just the job that I do, as important as that is. I will try to do better with writing and thank you for listening.

A Big Step

Today I took a big step and called an adoption agency about adopting a Special Needs child. I have always wanted children but have not been in a position where I could have my own. In the past, I have told myself that it is not good to try to raise a child as a single parent and I know what that's like as my dad passed away when I was eight. By the way, my mom did a great job with the three of us and I am by no means denigrating her gifts and/or her sacrifices, I am very grateful for my mother and love her very much. I have decided that while this will be a difficult and challenging road for me, that I can not continue to watch children grow up in foster homes and residential facilities as wonderful as most of them are. I must be willing to put feet to my faith and my beliefs. If what I claim is true (which I know it is) than I must be willing to walk my faith out and in this case that means seriously looking into adoption of a special needs child. There may be many who will say that I should not do this, that I can't afford it, that what I do each day is enough, or that my chronic illnesses will get in the way but regardless of those things (true or not), I know that I must move forward and I believe that this is what God is asking of me at this moment. I would like to ask for your prayers as I look at moving forward with this, that I would have God's heart and leading each step of the way.

Summer Corn Chowder and Comments that Made Me Think

I treated myself to a You Pick Two at Panera Bread (St. Louis Bread Company) tonight for dinner. A half of a turkey sandwich, iced tea and summer corn chowder (and you were wondering how that got in the title). Yes, I am crazy, I had soup on a day when it was 90 some degrees here in Springfield. It was very good soup, by the way, and if you have the opportunity, I would recommend it. There's a chowder at Longhorn that I like, as well, it has lobster and shrimp in it but I can't remember the name of it. Anyway on to other things. I don't, as a rule, listen to other peoples' conversations but when you are speaking loudly it is rather hard to miss. There was a well dressed woman sitting with several other ladies and commenting on careers that did not make money. She commented that being a teacher would never make you enough money or something to that effect. She is right that teachers don't make near the money of others with the same experience, etc. Both of my sisters and most of my friends have always and will always make more money than I do. Having said that, her comment caught my attention and it made me think of something that happened the other day. I was out enjoying an iced tea and reading a really good book when a woman and her son walked past me and I heard her comment to her son that when he was finished in the restroom, he was to sit in the chair, at the table, across from me and wait for her. The young man nodded and repeated what his mother had said to him when she asked him to and then entered the restroom. When the young man exited the restroom he walked right to the chair, sat down, smiled at me and waved. I said hello and asked him his name which he shared with me. We had a short conversation while he was waiting for his mother and then when she came out of the ladies room he introduced her to me, the three of us talked for a few minutes and I learned that the young man would be going to camp that night and that he was buying his mom lunch. He was very proud of the fact that he was paying for lunch with his own money. The two of them went up to get their lunch and I returned to my book. A few minutes later, the lady who had been sitting at the booth in front of me, got up to leave and as she was standing, she turned and asked me if I was a teacher. I was a bit surprised by the question and though I answered yes, there must have been a question on my face. The lady commented that I must work in Special Education because I had been so "patient and caring" in my conversation with the young man. I smiled and said thank you and then the woman stated that "You are in the right profession, never doubt it." I was shocked and said thank you again, the woman smiled and repeated her statement, before saying goodbye. If you put the comment from tonight with the comment from the other day, they make for some interesting conversations. Those of us who teach and truly care for the children in our classes and schools may never make what others will in a monetary form but perhaps we are there to make others think about what they do and perhaps why they do it. My students may never be able to hold a conversation with me or their families like that young man did but the little things they do are just as important if not more so. And in case I've not said it, thank you to all of the teachers and students who have crossed my path throughout my life you have given me more than I can ever say. Perhaps the woman at Panera tonight needs to spend some time with some of you.

Tortured and Imprisoned for Reading the Bible

In North Korea people are tortured for reading the Bible if they are discovered. This also happens in China, Iran, Eriteria and other countries. Believers are imprisoned, tortured, lose their jobs, lose their homes and other terrible things simply for reading their Bibles, telling others about Christ or simply for being Christians. There are many wonderful ministries serving those persecuted for their faith. Two of the ministries of Voice of the Martyrs that I'd like to mention are Prisoner Alert and Bibles Unbound. Prisoner Alert allows people to learn about Christians imprisoned for their faith and gives us the opportunity to write an encouraging letter to one or more of these believers, e-mail government officials on behalf of the prisoner, and of course, most importantly, pray in an informed manner for those imprisoned for their faith. Bibles Unbound is an opportunity to help get Bibles, in the people's language, into countries where missonaries are unable to go. I have been a part of both of these ministries when I can and I have learned much from being able to be a part of these opportunities. To learn more about the persecuted church or either of these mentioned ministries please go to: http://www.persecution.com/ and

Random Thoughts

Today was the talent show at work. There were so many great acts from the students and even the staff. I am told that I stunned some people, I sang one of my favorite songs and I am told I did a very good job. My staff tell me that I now have a different persona at work, I was the quiet teacher who's name a lot of people did not know, but now because of the talent show and prom (not sure what happened at prom) I am a surprise. On Tuesday we went on a field trip to have lunch and go bowling. It was such fun to see the kids interacting in the community and enjoying bowling, the smiles, giggles and hand claps were such a great thing to see. We will be going into the community more often I think. It dawned on me this afternoon that I have been given a gift, the chance to see the little things with my students. A hug, a squeal, a hand clap, smiles, giggles, and some great faces. The things I get to do every work day are a gift and the chance to see that gift in the eyes of my students makes a lot of the rest of what I am living with every day more bearable. It hasn't been easy lately to deal with the health issues but I need to remember that every day the children I work with have much more difficult things to handle and not at all the same level of understanding. So maybe, in a way, I have been given more than one gift.

Thoughts on Memorial Day

Memorial Day is a day to remember those who have served our country in the Armed Services. I have not had that distinction but I have family members and friends who have, so to my two half brothers, my uncles, cousins and several friends who have served Thank You. Your sacrifices are not forgotten and though seldom mentioned they are appreciated. My family and friends have served during all the wars of my lifetime though some may never have seen battle. I know when my brothers and uncles came home from Vietnam they may not have been given the heroes welcome that they deserved, I hope that we are doing better in that area now. I have watched families of my friends deal with the separation from loved ones who are serving and I think that they too deserve to be honored for their day to day sacrifices while their loved ones are not with them. I have been fortunate, so far, in that all those I have cared about, who have served, have come home but for those who have not. thank you for your sacrifice and please know that there are many in this country who are very grateful for those who can and do serve in our military.

Blogging for the Persecuted Church

As you may have noticed there is a badge on my blog site stating that I blog for the persecuted church. This is an opportunity to share information from the Voice of the Martyrs ministry about the persecuted church around the world. The commitment that I have made is to write on the persecuted church at least twice a month in order to encourage other Christians to learn more about this often forgotten group of our brothers and sisters. You may wonder why I am choosing to do this. I am doing this in the hopes that others will want to learn more about those who are risking their lives, livelihood and families just for believing in the saving grace of the Lord Jesus Christ and to remind myself and others that we know nothing of true persecution in this country though it may well be coming. How willing are we to face losing our jobs, our homes, even our lives for believing in Christ and sharing that belief with others? I pray that my answer would be that I am willing to die for Christ. In this country where often times we may be told in church, on the radio or television that believing in Christ will make us wealthy, successful, without pain or disease if we just have enough faith, are we willing or even able to endure persecution, ridicule, loss of face, etc because of our belief in Christ and if we are not how real is our faith. I have been asking myself these questions for a long time and maybe this is one way I can put some feet to my faith. Christ never promised that we would not suffer and I pray that if it comes to having to suffer for my faith I would be as courageous as those such as Graham Staines and his sons in India who were burned alive for their faith in the Lord. If you are interested in more information on the persecuted church please see these two sites: http://www.persecution.com/ and http://www.persecutionblog.com/ and thanks for listening.

Retinal Repair, Baking, Knitting, Prom and Stuff

I have just finished baking 5 different deserts for prom at school tomorrow. Hopefully they have all turned out well and the kids and staff will enjoy them. I get to wear a dress and wedge heels to work tomorrow in honor of prom. Each of my girls have beautiful dresses to wear and the boys have tuxes or suits. One of my male staff is wearing a tux and each of us is dressing more formally than we usually do. I hear this is a very big deal at school and that everyone can't imagine how much the kids enjoy being dressed up and being honored. I can't wait to see everyone and the fun they will have. I had laser repair to a retinal tear in my right eye (no idea how the tear occurred, I certainly wasn't aware of it) this afternoon. My eye hurt like heck for a few hours afterward but at the moment I am doing well. My doctor said there may be swelling and redness for a few days, I just hope I don't look like I have a black eye. I don't think that would look good with a pink dress and dress shoes. While waiting for the laser repair, I managed to finish a third of a ball of yarn knitting it into the current baby blanket. Hopefully I will have the current blanket done sometime this weekend. I only have four more to complete my current backlog of blankets, of course, by the time I finish those I will probably have found others to make. On the diabetes front my numbers are slowly getting better and haven't hit the 200s for a week. This is a big accomplishment at the moment but I have to admit I would like them more consistently in the 120s or so. I continue to work on seeing things from the prespective of Why Not Me, this prespective is helping at the present time and I am grateful for it. Well, I'd best get to bed as I have a lot to do in the morning to be ready for prom. More news soon.

Teacher Appreciation and Other Stuff

Due to a body that is still trying to deal with the restart of a previous medication, I was late for work this morning and honestly was so tired most of the day that I probably should have stayed home at least for the morning. When I did get to work, I found all of my staff waiting outside our classroom door with a camera, a red carpet, a banner and tons of apples on the door with appreciation comments written on them. This was their way of saying what I do is appreciated. I was completely surprised and almost cried when I read the comments they made. They are a wonderful staff and without them I would not be able to do my job in the manner I need to be able to. I appreciate them very much though I doubt I do a good job of letting them know it. I know the students appreciate them too. I will have to think of a good way to tell them that they are very appreciated.
I am still dealing with the restart of a previous medication, the numbers are slowly getting better but my body still gets annoyed and lets me know it usually at 4 in the morning. I know that once things balance out again everything will be okay but sometimes having to deal with the waiting can make me a bit nuts. One of the things I am working on learning to say is "Why Not Me?" instead of "Why Me?" I have to say that there is no reason for all of the medical things not to be going on but most of the time I would prefer to not have to deal with so much at one time. One of the reasons for working on saying "Why Not Me?" is that there are children and others in my life and certainly in the world who are dealing with things much worse than chronic illnesses. Though I may never know the reason why the Lord has allowed these illnesses in my life, I do know that nothing touches my life without having been okayed by the Lord and so there must be important reasons for why even if I never know them.
Well I'm getting tired and probably should go get ready for tomorrow. A highlight at the moment the Cardinals are winning against the Colorado Rockies. I love baseball season.

Partiality

I almost didn't make it to church this morning but I am so very glad that I did. I woke up at ten this morning and the worship service starts at 10:30. I was only a few minutes late and am very glad of that. My pastor spoke on the book of James chapter 2 verses 1-13. In this section of scripture James speaks of not being partial to those who are rich versus those who are poor but be fair and merciful to all. I have heard this passage preached on countless times but often forget the lessons that it teaches. A passage my pastor also shared from I Samuel 16:7 "Do not look at his appearance or at the height of his stature, because I have rejected him; for God sees not as man sees, for man looks at the outward appearance but the LORD looks at the heart." and Acts 10:34 "...I most certainly understand now that God is not one to show partiality, but in every nation the man who fears Him and does what is right , is welcome to Him." (NASB) reminded me how I should look at all people. This is something that I try to do but am sure I fail more often than not. Wouldn't it be wonderful if we could all look at everyone as being just as important and just as needed as we see ourselves as being. God sees our hearts can't we try to see the hearts of those we come in contact with. Especially those of us who claim the name of the Lord should be the first and best at seeing those around us as being equal and important. Given what I do for a living, the idea of partiality is particular to me at the moment. Why is it that we feel we have the right to play God and decide whether someone else's life is worthwhile. When I began teaching there were certainly more children with Down Syndrome than I currently see. I know of people who look at what I do for a living and say that the children that I have spent 23 years working with do not deserve to live because they may never be able to be a fully contributing member of society. When did the world decide that we know better than God who should have a life? Does being a contributing member of society only mean holding a job and paying taxes or can it also mean bringing joy to others or teaching others to give of themselves to those who are not as much like the rest of us as we might want. I can't imagine the world in which I live without any of the children that I have worked with in the last 23 years. They have been a gift to me and I know that they are a gift to their families as well. Perhaps we all need to take a larger look at what partiality really means. What a gift to be in that service this morning.

A Gift in Diabetes

Dealing with diabetes can be a frustration on the best of days, when my numbers are out of whack, for no apparent reason that I can find, it's enough to make me want to pull out my hair and somedays even give up. I am dealing with out of whack numbers at the moment and getting back on to a medicine I've been off of for two weeks because of the new insurance. It looks like the insurance may be worked out for the next year at least for this medicine but the numbers are still nuts. It still amazes me how tired I can be when my numbers are above 180. This morning I would have quite happily stayed in bed and slept the rest of the day. It's what I did most of the day yesterday. The gift in this is that I have good doctors and others who watch over me and I have medications that no one ever thought of when my paternal grandparents were dealing with the side effects of diabetes. I am grateful for both but I really need to remind myself of these things when I am struggling. Hopefully the numbers will be better tomorrow.

Rain and This Week

Springfield is currently having a loud thunderstorm and personally I am greatly enjoying it. The rain has brought the temperature in my apartment from 80 degrees down to almost 70. I had truly forgotten how humid it can be in Central and Southern Illinois in the spring. Right now a Minnesota spring sounds so much more comfortable. The week has gone well, I finished a mint green baby blanket and am now starting a pink, green and white one for a friend at work. I have had two doctor appointments and will have at least two more in the next few weeks. Once we get all the medications and specialists straightened out here I will be very happy. I am looking for gifts of God's grace and right now as frustrating as things can get at times, I have to say that this job is definitely one of God's gracious gifts to me. As hard as it has been to move away from my house, my church family and all of my friends in Minnesota, God has truly blessed me in this new job with wonderful students, great staff and an opportunity to really help the kids and families that I work with to develop more independence and make new gains all the time. Well it's time for a Cardinals ball game so off I go to work on the new baby blanket.

Thought I'd give this a try

Well, I have decided to try blogging, not sure how I'll do but thought it was worth a try. I will write here about my life, favorite books, things I am learning and things that I would like to learn. I am hoping I will do better about this than I am about writing to friends that I left behind in Minnesota when I moved. I like my new job but have to admit that I miss all of my Minnesota friends very much. Hope to write more soon, for now back to my knitting.